President Obama Better Be Buying Me A Little Stuckey

To make a long and boring story short, my French bulldog biological clock has been ticking for over 10 years now. I’ve wanted one of these smushed faced creatures for quite sometime. In fact, in my mind he already exists. His name is Stuckey and he is a buttermilk baby. I have already projected all of my personality quirks onto him like great pet owners do. He gets grumpy if you wake him up early, he has a fuzzy food phobia, he hates tennis bracelets, has a little hat collection and often finds himself anxious in social situations. This is Stuckey. He will also make me 50k a year modeling for greeting cards. I’m happy that he is so photogenic.

I always thought I did not have this buttermilk blessing because we were not homeowner’s. Pet deposits are a crock. We were in college and were broke. Face it. These aren’t cheap dogs. We’re over planners and couldn’t justify not getting our little Stuckey into the most prestigious of doggy daycares…

We joke that Obama Claus is getting us a little Stuckey baby since we are 1st time homeowner’s (8k, haha). This really isn’t true. We are getting a little Stuckey because we have our own home and life is a bit more stable and we don’t have to pay some slumlord a 1k pet deposit. However, I’m getting cold feet.

Just look at the pic above! Stuckey will love to sink his puppy teeth into the soft leather of Frye boots! He will love to puke on vintage silk blouses. I just know it. He will love to destroy the hardwood floors and trim that we have just repaired. Will I ever forgive him? Will I want to walk him in the PNW rain and slush? Will he be nice to the other pups in the neighborhood or will I be the mother of a bully, antisocial Frenchie with a pit bull complex? Do I want buttermilk dander on all of my gothic black wardrobe? These are the fears of somebody that has been petless for so long and has never had a dog in the house.

I told David that I want a Halloween Stuckey. I think we have too much to worry about with this renovation and all. Now even I am thinking a Halloween Stuckey is too soon. However, I feel I need one. I am an adult now. I mean I do own a home. Isn’t it only natural that the next step be to clean the facial wrinkles of a little grumpy French bulldog dressed up in a top hat and dandy cape?

-Victoria

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Our First Impression.

I’m at full fledged panic mode now. We are supposed to close in two days but we haven’t heard from anybody. I feel like this entire process has taken a million years. I mean I guess 60 days is normal , especially these days, but still I feel like we’ve been worried senseless about getting this house for sometime. The current place we are living in will not let us go month to month rent like they said they would and last Friday, I pretty much received an eviction letter telling us to be out by the end of this month. Naturally, this freaks me out because I have never been told to leave a place. (BTW, our property management team sucks and I pretty much hate their guts and I hope it takes at least 6 months for this place to get rented.) And we haven’t officially “purchased” the home and this new home is not move in ready. Like it isn’t safe, see David’s previous post. So we need this process to hurry up. Sooner is better than later. I don’t know how much more of this I can take.

The kitchen

Anyways, I thought that I would share my first impression of a few rooms on the first floor of the house just in case something doesn’t work out, then you guys can make me feel better if I have to start all over.

The kitchen and its wonderful wallpaper.

Above is the kitchen. Notice the most amazing mod felt wallpaper ever. Too bad I can’t use it or salvage it. It is just too nasty. Notice the mess in the middle of the floor. It is a pretty big kitchen, well at least according to us but we couldn’t walk through it. And please take the time to stare in disbelief of the blue faux fur covered cabinets. I know that releasing this pic will cause all of America to do the same to their own. Also, take a look at the 2 mini fridges stacked upon each other. It is filled with Ensure and Natural Light Beer.

A bedroom under all the mess.

We have what I believe is supposed to be a bedroom. It is literally stacked to the ceiling with stuff including: a red faux fur 8-track mini bar, a king sized mattress, bed, fuzzy couch, and a rack of elk antlers. We also noticed that there were new cabinets and counter tops, sinks, etc. as if a renovation was going to happen.

Powder room

This is the half bath/powder room. It needs some love and a sink that is not just leaned up against the wall. Please take the time to appreciate the faux fur red door. All the doors in the house take on this theme. If you think you can handle anymore of a first impression, please continue the tour to the upstairs. I save the best for last, friends.

The porno room

This is the bedroom, a peek into the world upstairs in this house. She is huge. She was his girlfriend when he was 16, rumor has it. What is in the middle of the clutter? Well, a pimp blue faux fur king sized water bed, stacked with pounds and pounds of polyester suits and blankets. Look no light fixtures! And the sticky remains on the ceiling of what used to hold the mirrors.

This has been a look into what I first saw when I walked into the house. I will keep the silver foiled wallpaper bathroom a mystery. I will not show you the scary basement or the other bedrooms that are piled sky high. Either talk some sense into me or encourage me. I’m an anxious wreck right now.

-Victoria

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